May 30th, 2008
|11:55 am - Not sure what I think of this one|
Ever have one of those days
when the Apocalypse seemed imminent?
Two trains collide, and trapping one driver
until her death. A cop opens fire
on a man in Boston Common
who had only a fake gun on him.
A crane collapses in New York City
killing several people.
Tomorrow, you wonder what will happen.
The Spurs won't still be playing,
and that's affecting your mood
more than it should. Will the Red Sox
ever win on the road again?
Will the sun be shining? Will your
dinner guests back out
this week as well?
Will the tests come back benign
or will more treatment be needed?
So much uncertainty
So much sudden tragedy
Makes you feel fragile
Makes you feel needy
Makes you feel blessed.
like the way it builds up at the ending.
also, I liked what you said about how poets feel when no one comments -- so true
thank you for your feedback... ;)
|Date:||June 1st, 2008 02:16 pm (UTC)|| |
I wonder why with so much tragedy, you still feel blessed.
To me, your poem is a narrative of events happening in your personal world. I can't relate to them except the fear of the test result - I think this is the most important part of your poem - the rest of it is unfortunately what we're presented each night as "news." I think that this fear should be given more prominence - I almost read over it at the end of the poem.
Bravo to you for posting your poems for critique. I'll pay attention when I see them - I thought you were posting poems you'd seem somewhere else, as some do.
Interesting...this is very helpful...thank you.
|Date:||June 3rd, 2008 06:01 pm (UTC)|| |
i like it. alot.
i have a hard time with prose-y poems - even though it's what i write) ... they always leaves me wanting more when i read them, yet feeling like a burden has been lifted when i write them. i wanted more. of this one.
|Date:||June 3rd, 2008 06:07 pm (UTC)|| |
i guess by MORE i mean...
i'd like to hear more about the big emotions.